Response – Ability

I was introduced to the idea of “responsibility” in my mother tongue, German. Although the German word “Verantwortung” actually contains the word “Antwort”, meaning answer or response, it wasn’t after I had learned to speak English well that I was able to grasp the true meaning of the word.

I still cringe when hearing somebody ask the question “Who is responsible for this?” in German. It’s a reflex, because in my German context, responsibility is inevitably linked to emotions like “guilt, shame, blame and punishment”. This is how the term was applied back then.

After many years of “self-development”, I am now able to translate the question into “who is able and willing to answer to this challenge”. The willingness to respond to a challenge is directly connected…

  •  to a person’s ability to deal with it
  •  to their confidence that he or she will be able to find  a good response for the task and
  • to their expectation that, by responding to the challenge, they will gain either a direct benefit, like experience and acknowledgement, or avoid a disadvantage, like punishment or loss of any kind.

A lot of confusion is created when self-help books claim that we are “100% responsible for our lives”. For people who have endured hardship, abuse and failure or who habitually translate”responsibility” into “who is to blame”, the request to take full responsibility for getting hurt or abused creates resistance, pain and often desperation, not willingness.

The approach I take in my coaching is therefore different. The goal of my coaching  is to broaden your ability and skill to respond to life in a way that you are more satisfied and happy. There is a 3 step process that will naturally raise the “willingness” to “take 100 % responsibility”

  • We analyze how you have responded to life’s challenges up to now and how this has created difficulties and suffering
  • We find out how you want your life to look like instead and how you would need to respond from now on to achieve this
  • We enlarge your ability to respond to life by developing these new skills and we practice them

But before we can even go there, I first will help you understand that you deserve to have a better life.

The human mind is tricky. Our sense of deserving develops very early and is based on what we have and experience in our lives. This is why people who grow up loved or wealthy feel that they deserve it, after all, if they didn’t, why would they have it?

People who grow up with hardship, pain or lack of love and support also have a sense of deserving. They might not know it, but deep down they are convinced that they deserve hardship, pain and lack, after all, if they didn’t, why would it be in their life?

In my coaching I strive to create a healthy sense of deserving for my clients right from the beginning. Without the clarity that you deserve what you desire, nothing will change. Even though your ability to respond to life might improve, your willingness to actually apply this ability to your life will be low.

However, deserving is not entitlement.  Achievement is the result of dedicated action over time and you deserve the fruit of your dedicated action. As a coach, I make sure you act on your insights. Because if you don’t, your new “responsibility tool kit” is useless.

If you feel that this process might be of benefit to you, please fill out the contact form below and ask for a personal consultation. This will help us to decide if and how I can be of assistance to you.

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